in case you have ever wondered why it seems like I don’t post anything original, well
You trip and fall to your death.
Critical fail, you swallow a knife and it explodes.
"As the assassin foolishly tries to slide down the gravelly side of the mountain, he trips and slits his throat on his knife. He’s dead. Anyone else want to do anything stupid?"
"You somehow determine that the golem is made of bacon.”
"You go to search the body, but manage instead to trigger the bear trap. I’m rolling damage now."
"You shoot your unconscious bleeding cleric, roll damage. Don’t forget your favored enemy bonus."
"You fail to notice the pit in front of you as you direct your horse to walk into it."
"The mugger then proceeds to shoot his friend in the foot"
"the opponent sneezes and accidentally stabs himself to death"
"You try to pick the door, but the door picks you. You’ve been impaled."
"You let go of the bow instead of its string, and it hits you in the face before falling at your feet."
me: can i just pretend like i totally meant to do that
//rolls a nat 20 on a bluff check
"Everyone totally saw that but it looked like you completely meant to do that."
"You try to wake the unconscious child up, and sink him into an indefinite magical coma."
"You walked in twenty minutes ago, and only just noticed that the man you’re negotiating with is sitting in an enormous bowl of jelly beans."
And, last but certainly not least.
"You try to knock the vial out of his hands, and instead punch a hole in the hull of the ship. The atmosphere explosively decompresses. Congratulations, you just killed more than half the party during a milk run."
…Roll me a Fort save.
A surprising amount of feedback for Make Me a Sandwich was cooking newbies motivated to try cooking for the first time! While that is AWESOME, there is some safety stuff y’all may not… have been… taught… ever…
Normally I would have thought this all went without saying, but PAST EXPERIENCE HAS SHOWN ME NOT TO TAKE EVEN THE BASICS FOR GRANTED. Keep in mind that this information is all super simplified and condensed, and The Esteemed Reader (you) would be well-served researching further.
Next week: KNIVES, and how not to cut off your hand Skywalker style.
what could have been